declutter and de-stress

The Lifechanging Magic of Tidying Up changed my life. It really did,--just ask my husband and my kids. For years they taunted me with chides of "Does it spark joy for you, Mom?" and railed against my Saturday flurries of purging the clutter. If you haven't read Marie Kondo's book or watched her NetFlix show, I'd highly recommend it. I don't subscribe to all her methods, (I have a hard time spending so much time folding clothes, and I've never been able to effectively thank my purse for the outstanding job it does each day) but the lessons she teaches about why and how to let go of the clutter in our lives are indeed lifechanging.

Gretchen Rubin's Outer Order, Inner Calm is another book that resonated with me. It's true what she says: when we organize and declutter our outer environment, it creates calm in our inner environment. That's why cleaning my kitchen or clearing out the pantry can be so cathartic. When I look around my messy house on a Thursday afternoon it's easy to get overwhelmed. There is so much to do and so many things to deal with. The stress of it all can make me feel frozen in time, not knowing which direction to turn. When the clutter is cleared I find I have more energy, I'm more productive, and I'm a much nicer person.

Of course, the simple solution is to just start. The antidote to anxiety is action--of any kind. The action can be something totally unrelated to the real stressors in your life, but cleaning out a drawer in your kitchen can make you feel like you're in control again, and the next thing you know, you're not only cleaning the whole kitchen, but considering a career change and training for a marathon (so I've heard).

There are a lot of things that hold us back from getting rid of stuff: guilt, emotional attachment, someday dreams, identity confusion, and a perceived lack of time or energy. 

Guilt is a big one for me, and goes hand-in-hand with emotional attachment. If I bought something and then don't use it I feel guilty and hang on to it. If someone gave me something I'll never use or don't love, I feel guilty. That's where the emotional attachment comes in. I'm emotionally attached to the person so I feel like I'm hurting them if I give up the thing. In reality, that person probably will never know, nor do they want me to feel burdened by something they gave me. Along the same lines, what's the price of the burden you feel by keeping and storing something that you'll never use? If it was expensive, you can probably sell it and make up some of the difference.

Someday Dreams is another one I struggle with. Someday I'll wear those pants again, someday I'll make scrapbooks covering the last ten years, someday I'll host a huge party again... and here's where the identity confusion comes in. Do I really want to spend valuable time and energy obsessing over my weight every day? Do I want to spend hours scrapbooking when Shutterfly will do the work for me? And how often does anyone really need that many teeny tiny little crockpots? Is that who I want to be, really?

And finally, although it is nice to purge all at once, using an entire day or weekend to do so, I'm often surprised at how much better I feel after even 5 minutes of clutter clearing. Set a timer, attack a small area, or challenge yourself to put a certain number of items in the donate pile each day. You'll be surprised how much energy that gives you in a short amount of time.

Here are some questions to ask yourself in the process:

• Does it bring you joy? (Thanks Marie Kondo!)
• Is it beautiful?
• Is it useful?
• Is it expired?
• Do you already have too many? (Uh, baby crockpots?)
• Have you used it in the past year? 
• Would you buy it if you didn't already have it? (This one always gets me!)
• Does it fit? And do you feel good when you wear it?
• Will you reread it? (Book lovers, I'm talking to you. This one's tough!)

Make it a tiny habit in your daily life, celebrate the accomplishment, and enjoy a little more inner calm.

Peace, friends!